Musing On Self

TRUTHS about self...

1. i am an "only child". while having two older brothers, i have never lived with them, which has shaped my experience in certain ways, namely...
     a. growing up, i didn't get whatever i wanted, but i was "SPOILED" in that i never had to fight for what was mine. i didn't have to contend with siblings for love, attention, food, toys, etc. (unfortunately, there was also no one to blame things on)
     b. this has given an impressive selfish streak (it has taken a lot of training to get me to immediately think about others when something comes to me. i am still a work in progress.)
     c. i can be very lazy about "gettin' up, gettin' out, and gettin' something". i'm not a natural "go-getter".

2. I can at times be insensitive. 
more often, i don't immediately express myself clearly. 
but i NEVER fix my lips to say something that i will have to apologize for later.
i strongly disbelieve in loading my words with intention to hurt. 
i do, however, aspire to be truthful. 
truth hurts.

3. I often miss the big picture, but i am endlessly fascinated with the nuances of things.
This strongly affects the way i capture imagery and create.

A LIVING SOUL

typically, i pick up my camera when i want to intentionally set out to capture beauty. i don't take my camera to family reunions. i don't randomly photograph parties. i've never been crazy about photographing moments that i should be experiencing with my five senses. the reason being, that anything less than an amazing photograph just seems like a disappointing one-dimensional depiction of a very real experience.

 this weekend i lost My Inspiration. i find myself looking through pictures of her that have been posted online, but contrary to giving me happy memories, it creates a deeper sense of loss. Carlleena wasn't a dreamer. She was LIVING - spending all day of each day learning, loving, creating, and touching the lives of real people in a very real way. now that she has passed away, i know that i can never again experience Carlleena through all of my senses. It's too early to look at photographs of her. i'm not ready for my relationship with a real, full of life person to be relegated to flat one dimensional photographs. the memories - and even more so, her work - serve me better.

but to some extent this experience is also changing the way i think about photography. i don't have any of MY OWN photographs of Carlleena. we made plans for me to capture her for my In Her Own Skin series, but she only wanted to be captured nude in a very specific way and we never got around to it. and that's cool. but I never want to lose someone i feel so affectionately for without having an opportunity to sit them in front of my camera and capture them in a way that shows how real and beautiful they are to me.

Our Last Interaction (via facebook) 
Saturday May 19 at 3:26pm
CHD:WCK!: "who will get in front of my camera first thing in the a.m. tomorrow? info@chdwck.com"

CARLLEENA: "Might be the only time you can pin me down Lol You need a car :/ so you can get to my house Lol #onedaysoon"

the moss, the trees, and everything in between...

somtimes i have to ask myself "why not?" in order to keep creating,
but i often fear that what i've captured or created leaves "why?" unanswered.
to an extent i've especially worried about this with shooting nudes. there are tons of personal reasons why it's creatively satisfying and practical for me to be shooting nudes. i use them to explore and challenge my own beliefs, challenge those of others; i strive to create images accepting what is natural, as well as to create images that are modest while revealing. i hope my images are beautiful, i want them to be sensual, and perhaps subtly sexy.

currently, with the images i shoot of people, i'm aiming to capture shots that arouse emotion. that was something i had in mind when i shot this young lady.

when i first came across her model portfolio, i thought she was beautiful, but beauty alone (even when accompanied by freckles) doesn't usually inspire me to create anything. but when i saw her personal images (via facebook)the whimsicality (is that a word?) of her personality shone through, and that was something i desired to capture.

i don't know that these images reflect much of her personality - other than her graciousness to do whatever it took to create beautiful imagery - but for me, these images connect being nude to the state of being natural. and the purity of that makes me feel a certain kind of way.

The Morning Sessions w/Jamale Davis: BASS GOD

KaBoom! Playground Day at the Johnston YMCA

"Over the past 15 years, KaBoom!, in partnership with community businesses, brings to life dream playgrounds for communities in need one slide at a time. Through a generous donation by Forester's Life Insurance, the Johnston YMCA built a KaBoom! playground, creating a fun, safe environment for North Charlotte, NC. As part of the YMCA's commitment to be for youth development, healthy living and social responsibility, the playground will be open to our community to encourage healthy and safe play for families."

on october 8th, i was honored to be able to capture the combination of volunteerism and diligence at work. over 300 volunteers descended on the grounds of the Johnston YMCA in North Charlotte to build a beautiful playground for the neighborhood children, all in less than six hours. In addition to KaBoom! and Forester's Life Insurance, many volunteers took part in painting much original art including a mural designed by local artist Will Puckett with John Hairston, Jr. painting and coordinating the painting of many other original pieces that hang throughout the playground. the images below capture how beautiful it is when people come together to work for a good cause. also, check out Johnston YMCA's website to find out more about the positive work they do "To put Christian principles into practice through programs that build healthy spirit, mind and body for all. "

mural design by will puckett

other original artwork painted and coordinated by john hairston, jr.

more images on facebook.com

and don't forget to "like" the Johnston YMCA page!

itzsoweezee

"i guess a diamond ain't nothing but a rock with a name

i guess love ain't nuttin but emotion and game.

...gotta change how it's goin down."

-de la soul

note to self:

i MUST grow. i want to be of value to those i've been blessed to have in my life.

...in her own skin.

i think the human form is incredibly interesting, but i find the female form is especially beautiful. i often find myself in awe of how much variety there is to the feminine form and how it can still be beautiful. i see thin women, fat women, tall women, short women, black women, white women, indian women, spanish women, asian women, fit women with chiseled physiques,soft women with squishy parts, busty vuluptous round women, long lanky linear women, women with large butts, young women with firm bodies, older women with bodies that bear the celebratory marks of creating life,

mature women with the fine lines of living, breast that defy gravity, breasts that embrace it, red heads with pale faces and fiery freckles, dark smooth skin, women with straight flowing hair, women with thick bushy hair women with short curly hair, women with...

and while i appreciate the typical standards of beauty that we see in western society, very few women are beautiful in that way. i hope to see the day when everyone embraces the beauty that is theirs.