you are not alone - 06.26.09

i think this captures how we felt the day after michael passed.


i've stopped eating. for the next week i will attempt to live off of water, natural-ish fruit juices, and the occasional coffee.
i decided to start fasting because i thought it would be cool (go figure). then i realized if i'm going to empty my body out, that would be a great opportunity to introduce myself to healthier eating choices.
the most significant effect of my fast so far though, is the break in routine. eating is so common, it's has become little more than a habit. if you offer me food, my default response is to accept. i almost always do something else when i eat- talk with my mouth full, surf the internet, or watch tv. on the first day of my fast, my impulse to eat came not from hunger, but the desire to feel the texture of food in my mouth.
not eating makes me realize that something is different - something needs to change, which is very needed right now, since i've gotten extremely comfortable in a space i don't want to be in.
this is the morning of the second day of my fast. last night was rough, but today has been good so far.


pet peeve no. i

women under 40 who shave their eyebrows off and then draw
them in crook'd or too thin. (they're eyebrows - not lines).


honesty pt. i

just feelin' a certain kinda way right now.
i wanted to start this thought and then i'll come back to it.

honesty is awesome.
everybody claims they want you to be honest with them, but most of us
aren't really honest. so many people can't handle honesty.
how often we tell people what they want to hear.
how often we walk around holding on to something we really need to let out because we don't want to be offensive. or because no one asked our opinion.
how often we lie to ourselves.

though i try to be, i'm not always honest. with myself or others. but i can say
i can take honesty. if something is burning at you, say it.
if you hold your tongue because you think it's just your opinion,
please speak, and know i already view it as such. your opinion might be helpful.
you can dress it up and make it look nice if you'd like
or you can give it to me raw dog and brutal.
but if you do that pull me aside first - honesty if sufficient,
embarrasment is unnecessary.

thanks to jasiatic and catherine for your consistant, brutal honesty.