because once it's down on "paper"
i can return to it to see it everyday.
i was reflecting on a conversation i had with my big sister recently.
i was reflecting on my internship and reflecting on my job (both of which i enjoy).
i feel like Common when he said
"i'm writing for my life cause i'm scared of a day job."
i realized i'm scared of a "9-5" - not because i'm lazy.
i've realized i don't fare well in situations where my excellence has to be validated by others. i don't like having to impress somebody every day and proving my worth to them. i'm not the perfect employee, but i hate when what i do well is overlooked by others. i love when i get to work and someone gives me 6 to 8 hours worth of work to keep busy. i hate when i get somewhere and there's nothing to do. a bad work day for me, is when i'm busting my @#$ or when i go above and beyond, and it is unsure whether my work is appreciated.
and you don't pay me enough!
and i don't have any vacation!
that's why i love art. i love looking at an image i captured or a piece of art that i created and thinking, "damn! i'm nice". i only have to prove it to myself. i recognize that i have a lot of growing to do as an artist, but when i grow, i see it. and as long as i see it i don't have to stop. no one can let me go, because i'm not the "most valuable" employee. i don't have to compete with others for my value to be appreciated. i don't have to BS anyone about what i do. i shoot stuff that doesn't move. and i do it well. i paint a woman with a big @#$ afro. why because AphroWoman is a hottie. and if you think she's as beautiful as i do - cool. if you don't - cool (now pardon me, cause i'm about to paint her again). i can let people see things how i see them. you can see what i think is beautiful. i can give you a piece of me. and that feels great. i could do this ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.
"i'm writing for my life cause i'm scared of a day job."
money's tight. but it's a recession. i don't need to worry about a damn thing. all i need to do is paint, paint, shoot, learn how to draw and paint better, draw, shoot, paint at dia's, paint with antoine, draw, paint with jaeson, draw, and paint. and when i don't have room to put the work, find some walls to throw that $#@! on.
preferably, someone elses.
